Special Olympian Mikey Felps Earns 28th Gold Metal

celeb-jihadMOLINE, IA — Special Olympian Mikey Felps crossed the finish line during the 10-meter don’t fall down event on Thursday, earning his 28th gold metal of the 2008 Northeastern Iowa Special Olympics in the process. His unprecedented completion of the event smashed the previous gold metal record set by Special Olympian Mark Spits in 1983.

While Felps was unavailable for comment, his agent, Marty Platinum, spoke briefly with reporters after the event.

“Mike Felps has cemented his place in the pantheon of Special Olympians,” Platinum said. “He is thrilled to have had the chance to represent the United States in these games.”

Added Platinum, “Or at least he would be thrilled if he could understand the concepts of the nation state, or citizenship, which, ya know, he can’t.”

Felps has one final chance to add to his metal count. Although the games are officially over, his parents have entered him in the 27-mile don’t kick the god damn back of my seat event, and have promised him a metal if he is able to go the distance.